i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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