Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
