Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
