This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
