Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
