Girls should come with a carfax report
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
