I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
