of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
