which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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