can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
