Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
