Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
