just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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