This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
