you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
