This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
