do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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