If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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