Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
