Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
