He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
