dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
