thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
