It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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