I heard we made out
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
