we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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