You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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