ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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