Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
