tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
