i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
