Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
