GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
