How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
