hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
