The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
