Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
