I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
