Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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