just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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