the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
