So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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