oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
