Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
