Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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