i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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