i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
