The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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