I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
