just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
