His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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