Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
