No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
