I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
