Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
