you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
