At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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